Just one day shy of my original due date, I was being induced. The leg pain had gotten so bad that I couldn't take it any longer. There was no thought of going natural at this point. My leg would not let me stand at all, so an epidural was the only solution. I was in heaven! No more leg pain. In a few hours I was holding my precious baby girl. She weighed a mere 5 lbs. 14 oz. I would later realize that her petite size was all a part of God's plan for me.
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| This was my baby girl. Her tiny little self in her very large looking car seat! |
If only that was the happy ending to my story.
The day I delivered, I remained in bed. The thought of walking was just too painful. The following day, I could only walk with help. My feet dragged against the floor. The task of a shower was frightening. My husband was my strength and my support.
On top of my own physical battle, my little girl spiked a fever and ended up in NICU for 48 hrs. The walk to the NICU was so difficult emotionally and physically...not to mention nursing was a nightmare. Looking back it seems impossible that I even made it through...or my husband for that matter. But God continued to be our stronghold.
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| This is my darling little girl. The thing on her head was her IV. Spinal tap came back clean and so did all of the blood work. We were so thankful it was only 48 hours and that we could take her home! |
The orthopedic doctor was called in while we were in the hospital. He gave us hope that I would heal and get back to myself after a few weeks. In a week I would go in for some physical therapy to help with the severe weakness in my legs and of course the leg pain.
Physical therapy would give me some hope. The first therapist went and got another one for a second opinion. Apparently I was out of her league. I started very slow. Nursing would not let me rest long enough to get well enough. Looking back I would have switched right to formula, but remember that strong will I mentioned?!?!?! I did stretches and made some progress.
Just after Leona turned 3 weeks, I quickly spiraled out of control. Monday I had an MRI which through my back into a fit. By that night I could only lay down on my stomach and was in a lot of pain. Tuesday I was calling for stronger narcotics. By Wednesday I was screaming every 4 hours as my pain meds wore off.
My best friend had arrived in town to celebrate my baby girl's arrival only to hold my hand as I cried out in pain. I recall calling out to God with her to give me the strength to endure one more minute. When that minute had come, we prayed for the next.
I was brought in early Thursday morning for a spinal injection after the Morphine and Percocet rounds were starting not to help.
The fear was fighting my faith. Every time the increase of pain began, I was overwhelmed with fear of the pain that would soon build. The spinal injection affects lasted about 20 min. When I got to the car, I was popping more meds. So much for that helping.
I was definitely being humbled. An ER nurse friend of mine had to wash me from the bed. I couldn't get a shirt on, even with help. I couldn't get up to go to the bathroom. I couldn't feed my daughter. Nursing was impossible... when you can't even get off of your stomach...well you can imagine. All I could do was lay face down into my mattress... scream...cry...and pray.
By Sunday morning I had a UTI, stiff neck, throbbing knees and such unbearable pain in my leg that we called an ambulance. The turn in our hallway was so tight that they actually took me out the bedroom window on a stretcher. The men lowered me into the back of a pick-up truck to drive me around to the ambulance.
All I could do was trust that someone would help me and not just send me home with more pills. I needed an answer. I needed a fix.
I needed to pray more than ever!
"Let us therefore come BOLDLY to the throne of grace, that we may find mercy and grace in time of need." Hebrews 4:16 (KJV)
And then....you are going to finish this aren't you? I'm feeling awful for you right now!
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